


Look Right Through Me

by morgellons



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Death, Depressing, F/M, Feels, Force-Sensitive Reader, Graphic Description of Corpses, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, I’m sorry, Luke’s Jedi Academy, Not a Happy Story, Pre-TFA, probably triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:31:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgellons/pseuds/morgellons
Summary: It had to be done. But was there really no other way?





	Look Right Through Me

The orange blaze engulfed the walls around you. Tiny flames lapped at your heels as you dashed around corners and down corridors as quickly as your feet could take you. You couldn’t find a single soul within the sea of fire.

“Master Skywalker,” you called, pausing. You needed to find him. You needed to know what was happening. Surely he would help you. He always did.

He showed you your place when there was nowhere else for a person such as yourself. He taught you and guided you. You finally belonged to something. It was there at the Jedi Academy where you met the people who mattered most to you. You could never thank Luke enough for showing you the way, and for being so kind to you. His nephew— Ben, maybe even more so.

There was no reply. The only sound that met your ears was the crackle of burning wood and the sinister roar of the flames that devoured the temple and your home.

You whipped around frantically, searching for an exit. The foundation of the temple seemed to grumble, like the sound of a pained tauntaun, and a piece of roof crashed down before you. The flooring beneath it was shattered, and a new inferno flourished and spread from the crumbling building. You lept backward in shock upon its crashing impact, and the new heat blew past your face. Your heart was now drumming in your chest, and you stumbled as you heaved yourself to your feet.

“MASTER SKYWALKER!”

You cried out in desperation. Tears began to stream down your cheeks. Each breath was shallow and shaken, but you soon found yourself gasping for oxygen. You wheezed in pain when smoke threatened to flood your lungs.

_Please. Please, Stars, help me._

The heat smothered your body, and the smoke was equally as suffocating. Mouth covered and eyes squinted, you bounded over the rising wall of flames that licked the threshold of the next hallway.

The temperature subsided as you were met with a doorway to the courtyard. You stumbled into the black night, but found it was anything but black as you looked out across the camp. Your heart sank.

The entirety of the temple was enveloped in yellow and orange. Surrounding it were numerous masses of the same threatening light which illuminated the landscape— the huts of your classmates, each steadily burning. The structure lurched and crumbled underneath the fire that overtook it. All of your memories— every dinner in the great hall, every dueling practice, and every study session— they were all swept away and burnt to the ground.

You remembered building your lightsaber. You now had it clutched defensively at your chest. How you yearned for those days again. It was difficult, but Ben helped you with it— with nearly everything you needed, rather, while Master Luke was busy with the other students. You were somewhat of a late addition to Luke’s academy. He hadn’t found you until a few standard years after he began his teachings.

All of the other students already had their preestablished circles and so on, and though they welcomed you and you felt better accepted than before, it wasn’t the same. You would always be naïve and inexperienced in comparison. Sometimes it was frustrating, and sometimes you were angry, but you never felt like that when Ben was there for you. He was different, as were you, but in a way that you couldn’t put a name to. That didn’t matter to you, though. He could make you laugh with seemingly no effort, and he comforted you when you felt lonely. He cared. That was what mattered.

_Ben._

Your mind jolted back to reality, and you began to weave through the heaps of rubble that littered the camp at a quickening pace, keeping distance from the labyrinth of fire. There were numerous huts you passed, all lit aflame and nearly unrecognizable in their current state. None were his.

“Ben! Master Skywalker!”

You shouted into the night as you searched for them. Cautiously, you followed the imaginary pathways created by the blazes’ warm glow. It was your only source of light— for the beams of the moon and stars had been hidden away by the growing shroud of thick brown smoke that overcast the skies above you.

It was the scent that came to you at first.

It was heavy and acetous— sulfuric almost, but also akin to metallic essence of a slugthrower’s ammo and black carbon. Yet, it was also earthy, meaty. It was human.

“No. Oh Maker, no…” you whispered, breath fleeting. His eyes stared blankly forward, expression fixed in a state of shock and terror. Body and limbs strewn in the dirt in a manner so unnatural with blood pooling underneath him— this was no victim of the fires.

You choked down the sour bile that pushed at your esophagus. Grabbing at your sternum, you collapsed to your knees. The maroon, oxygen-rich blood stained your clothing, but you couldn’t care less.

You drew your eyes back to the body after you finally mustered the strength to fight the overwhelming nausea. A deep, ragged gash spanned the length of the boy’s torso. It started from just underneath his collarbone to the point of his right hip. The surrounding clothing was darkened— burnt away as it had been sliced, just as the flesh had been. Crimson flooded the wound, and the subsequent entrails lay shredded and exposed.

Dred filled your stomach and panic clawed at your senses as you came to realize these injuries could have only been the result of a lightsaber’s strike. Only a lightsaber could have delivered such an effortless slice through flesh. You fought your own revulsion and instinct to keep your stomach.

You knew this boy. He was one of the best students at the academy. He was always so organized and prim, and could recite the scripture almost verbatim. To see him like this— stomach charred open, pale pink innards ripped from his body, and blood leaving him in large spurts that soiled his normally immaculate demeanor— was sickeningly ironic. His unignited lightsaber lay only a number of centimeters away from his outstretched hand. The boy must have tried to defend himself.

You rose unsteadily to your feet, now backing away from the gruesome scene. Your head was pounding, each throb adding to your sudden dizziness. Shaking it in attempt to escape the tingling in your nerves, you shuffled onward. Your mind dwelled on the cadaver and what transpired— it was something you knew would haunt you until your last days. You were seemingly alone now— reaching out yielded nothing, which offered slight reassurance to your otherwise crushing distress. The atmosphere was now calm, yet unsettling. Crackling embers provided voice to the looming danger that still remained, but that was all that remained besides the boy. Though your heart was what drove your thoughts away from it each time, and back to your current preoccupation. You worried deeply for your master and Ben. The thought of either of them suffering the same fate as the mangled student nagged at you constantly. There wasn’t even a chance to say goodbye, to say thank you. There was still so much you needed to learn from Luke. There was still so much you still wanted to tell Ben. You couldn’t bear to imagine it. You wiped the tears and sweat from your face.

You felt strange. There was too much shock clouding your cognition at this time to cry any longer. You had exhausted yourself to a point of lethargy through your anxiety. The whole world had collapsed from underneath you in a matter of hours, and you were still at a loss at what had happened.

_Luke can’t be dead. And surely Ben is with him. Maybe they’re with the other students somewhere safe. Maybe they just couldn’t find me._

Your breath hitched when you felt something soft from underneath the sole of your shoe. It was another student, a female peach colored Mon Calamari this time. Blood was trickling from the corner of her mouth. Her swelling gullet had been carved open, and both of her stained hands seemed to grasp at the blistered horizontal incision, as if she presumed there was a chance to stop the bleeding during the final moments of her life. The attempt was obviously futile.

Nearby was a Twi’lek, curled into fetal position, her arms wrapped limply around her bloodied midsection. Beside her was another student, a human whose face had been horribly disfigured, and you immediately felt thankful for the shadow that had been cast over it, obscuring any more of the grisly detail. A young Chagrian lay face-down in the dirt. Another human sprawled underneath some rubble, crushed. As you scanned the vicinity, you found more and more bodies that littered the floor. All were collapsed and lifeless, sporting various fatal lightsaber wounds.

You stumbled backward, almost tripping. Your pain returned, and you could now hear your own rapid heartbeat hammering erratically, counting every passing second. The adrenaline shot through your body like icy water in your arteries. You spun around and bolted the opposite direction, leaping over debris and though lower flames.

You no longer felt any ache in your calves, or any burn in your lungs. You could not cry or feel the urge to puke. Not even knowing to where, you could only run— run away from it all, and so you fled deep into the heart of the surrounding woodland.

All was still. The destruction of the academy was only a faint red gleam in the distance now. The popping and snapping of the chars was replaced with the gentle gust of wind between the tree branches.

A rustle echoed through the forest. Turning, you spotted a large dark figure. You halted in your tracks as your hand again found the hilt of your lightsaber. It rested there, your thumb hovering over the activation stud.

Holding in your breath, you slowly walked closer then paused. You squinted through the darkness and recognized the figure immediately.

“Ben! Oh, Ben,” you sobbed, running toward him. You would have collided with him if you hadn’t immediately latched onto his biceps as if your life depended upon it.

Ben jerked backward, but his expression quickly softened upon realizing it was only you. He looked very tired— dark circles rimmed his familiar, honey brown eyes, and his lips remained parted only slightly. There was something different, deep within them. His eyes were wide, as if he had just seen a ghost.

“Oh Maker, you’re alright,” you whispered, a wave of relief washing over you. With one arm, you drew him into a tight hug. Your other hand ran through his soft black hair. You nestled your cheek in the crook of his neck and couldn’t help but smile. Your Ben was alive.

“I’m fine,” he murmured as he slowly wrapped his arms around your waist. His voice was low and slightly gruff— more than it usually was.

You pulled away just enough to see his face again. You brought a hand up to his face, cupping it fondly. He felt cold. “What happened? Where’s your uncle? We need to find Luke.”

Ben’s gaze hardened, and his once gentle expression quickly turned bitter. You felt his posture become rigid. He let go of you.

“Luke is dead.”

Before you were given a chance to respond, a scalding pain shot through your chest. It was searing hot, the pain so excruciating that time seemed to stop. The surrounding woods appeared to fade away. You could only see Ben, his face illuminated in blue light.

It was that beautiful shade of soft blue that you knew so well. It was a shade that was kind and calming, and you associated it with him.

That very blue skewered the center of your rib cage, and you could feel the agonizing, gritty crack of each bone.

Your hand fell from his cheek. All of your remaining strength seemed to rush from your grasp. You would have fallen helplessly backward if it weren’t for the lightsaber suspending your body.

“Why?”

He stared through your eyes, lips pressed together firmly. He seemed to ignore your query.

“Ben,” you breathed, tears blurring your already fleeing vision.

“Ben is gone.”

He paused, averting his gaze. “You were too loyal to him. I had to do this.”

“I loved you,” you whispered, your voice cracking subtly. You shut your eyes tightly when black spots began clouding your peripherals.

Life was slipping away from between the fingers of your mind. It took every effort to maintain your consciousness. The more you tried to grasp at it, the quicker it whisked further away. It fled further and further and further.

_And… further and—_

Ben unignited his saber, catching your body and laying it softly to the ground. He brushed the hair from your face and wiped the tears from your cheeks, then kissed you ever so softly.

“I know.”

It was the last thing you heard. 

**Author's Note:**

> And he did too.


End file.
